You’re breaking my heart

I wish I could tell you something that would help. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’ve sat and listened to you a thousand times. Heard every single problem, heartache, painful emotion. I’ve sat silently beside you while you tell me about the people who irritate you, hurt you, take advantage of you and stab you in the back. I’ve heard you tell me about your aches and pains, your financial problems, your relationship breakdowns, your worries and your fears.

I’ve sat there in silence and ached with sorrow for you. I’ve longed with every fibre of my being for you to smash through the thick wall that you built around yourself a long time ago. The wall that allows you to keep going through the same-old same-old, day after day, year after year.

If only you’d listen to me, I’d tell you something amazing. If I knew you’d take it from me, I’d give you the key to unlock the door. But I know that right now, if I put it in your hand, you’d throw it back at me and tell me to leave you the hell alone.

And so, as hard as it is, for now I’m staying silent, and holding that key safely in my pocket until I know you’re ready.

You’re breaking my heart. I love you so much, and yet I will never be able to make you do the one thing I know will change your life forever.

I wish I could tell you that I’m praying for you. I wish you could see the tears I shed before the One who would love to be your shoulder to cry on. How much I long to tell you that there is Someone who wants you to share with Him all about your problems, your heartache, your fears, your loneliness, your aches and pains. His arms are wide open waiting for you to let Him comfort you and release you. But His unconditional love for you is as yet unrequited.

He hears everything you say to me. He’s listening to every word. Breaking His heart because you’re talking to me, and not Him.

I’ve sat in silence with Him too. I’ve sat a thousand times with Him while he tells me that however lonely you are, He’s been lonelier. However used, slandered and taken for granted you’ve been, He’s been there. He’s been abandoned. Betrayed. Called a liar. However much your body groans and lets you down, He knows, because he’s suffered terrible, unspeakable physical pain.

I’ve heard all about the time that He was in such deep anguish about what He was to endure for you, that he sweat drops of blood while his closest friends slept nearby, oblivious. He enquired whether there was any other way to rescue you, any other way rather than to sacrifice Himself and endure terrible, unimaginable suffering for you.

But there was no other way. So he went through with it. Because He loves you so very much. He loves you more than anyone will ever love you.  Even when you’re hiding in that dark, damp cell of yours, trying to protect yourself, He loves you. He will never hurt you or let you down, you are way too precious to Him.

And now that He’s done it, He’s knocking on your prison door. Asking if you’ll come out and talk to Him. I’m there with you again, visiting you in your self-built cell. The darkness is suffocating me and the knock on the door echoes around the thick walls, vibrating in the pit of my stomach. I whisper to you:

“I’ve got the key in my pocket, will you take it? Please?”

But you won’t take it, not yet. You ask me to be quiet. So I remain silent, putting it safely back in my pocket.

And then I leave, and break my heart over you before Him once again.

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